I'm sick and I feel like crap and I don't want to be here

Title self explanatory.

I've been sick since Monday (and it's Thursday now); my throat is having a temper tantrum, and my neck feels hot like it's burning.  I couldn't sleep last night because when I put my covers on, it felt so hot I couldn't bear it, and when I took off my covers it became so cold my skin turned to ice.

I've been coming to school and crashing as soon as I get home.  I'm tired of coughing, tired of blowing snot out of my nose, and I miss being healthy and awake.  Don't ever take being healthy for granted, kids.

Also, AP Language is the worst class to take when you're sick.  Just sayin'.

the fabulous Monroe

If I could spontaneously poof someone back from the nether realm, I think it would have to be Marilyn Monroe, the original blond starlet with the beauty mark that won over the hearts of thousands.  To this day, the classic pin-up girl has been studied, documented, and featured as we continue to discover new things surrounding her and her death.  A couple weeks ago, her secret diary was released to Vanity Fair, revealing previously unknown and startling facts about her life before death.  Her affairs, her insecurities, and her thoughts of suicide are all revealed here.  Her iconic face, still shrouded by a cloud of mystery, is one of the reasons, I think, she's still so incredibly sexy.

The always glamorous Monroe would either love or hate this century.  Gone are the sophisticated, classic fashions of old, and in are the sparkly, edgy luxuries of today.  She might not like being original anymore.  Following her wake are few dozen celebutante who strive to be the wackiest, loudest, and "unique" individuals out there.  Monroe, not a stranger to the red carpet, might want to do a double take when checking out Lady Gaga at the VMAs, or Katy Perry's 50s and candy/pastry inspired wardrobe.  Speaking of foods, I've got to figure out what to give Monroe for dinner.

The starlet, accustomed with all the ritzy dinners she must've had throughout her lifetime, ought to take a moment to get familiar with mine.  Don't get me wrong, if I had the cash, I would take her out to Tepanyaki, or Giovanni's.  But since I'm broke and the dead generally have no cash, I'd probably end up picking up take-out from Truongs or Kinpachi's; something completely un-American, but cheap and delicious.  We would have fried rice and spring rolls.  Just because she's used to steak and fine wine doesn't mean she's getting any.

The real reason I would want to take Monroe of all people back from the grave is to really ask her about her life.  Now that most of her paparazzi have been dead for a while, and no one's looking for her or listening for an opinion from her, I would ask her personal questions about her life and how she lived.  About her dreams, ambitions, fears, and relationships.  The mystery is still there, and to solve the puzzle of Monroe's life just grabs my curiosity beyond my control.  Either way, I hope she doesn't mind eating with her hands.

Autobiography: Page 110/400

The final parties of the school year had ended, and at last it was summer.  My life rolled through the prairies and soared above oceans every year at this time.  No matter what, a window seat was mine as I gazed through the glass unto a world that belonged to itself.

I had just been admitted into teenage-dome.  Love was new and exciting and flirting with it was a new rush.  I was just beginning to fall in love with travel.  The almost stale smell of the airport, the musky smell of the bus, and the sound of rolling luggage only fueled my travel lust.  The journey getting there was a part of the reason I wanted to get there.  

As I became older and my lust only continued to ripen, I learned I was not alone.  It was a Hudkins gene to yearn for travel.  My father wandered across the world for the FBI partly just because he liked to travel.  My Aunt Lazelle had been on countless world cruises and at a recent family reunion told of her recent escapade to Cairo, Egypt, and my Uncle Keith was charting maps to sail his schooner through the Bahamas.  My heart swooned at the legacies I was bound to wistfully chase.

that steamy Secretary

It's second quarter, and our school's STUCO (Student Council) has a week to prepare for our first event: a circus-themed Halloween dance.  I'm secretary of our super squad, and I've been running around back and forth trying to get the word out.  I've made tickets, posters, and spreadsheets, and I've been telling people and pulling strings to get all of this done.

A secretary's work is never done. (from Iron Man)

I've realized, through STUCO, just how busy secretaries are.  I mean, the Office and other shows have had the secretaries all tired and exhausting, but I was kinda hoping for that sexy secretary figurehead that everyone seems to fantasize about to be true.  Life is disappointing.  Hell, I might've even been looking forward to that career of being a homewrecker, but alas, it's just beyond my reach.

At least I can look forward to days getting coffee, printing and copying, doing someone else's dry-cleaning, and basically all the work that the boss can't bear to do himself.  Hey, maybe I could be like that red-headed beaut from Iron Man.  You know, the one Tony Stark gives his entire company to just for kicks.  I'd be loaded, and at the end, have a ripped and powerful helluva man!  

7.) Date an ultra-rich and powerful guy!

Just for kicks.  ;)

Trollin'



we be trollin'



As much as I hate living in Saipan and all the oppurtunities I miss out on, I have to admit there are some good things to do.  The other day I went "trolling", or ocean fishing, with a few friends.  It was fun!  Even if we didn't even get a bite and half the kids got seasick...

I've been on boats occasionally throughout my lifetime.  This summer I went on my dad's friend's boat and wenting around the Seattle-Vancouver region, where all those islands are.  I've gone fishing with my dad for whole days out at sea, and I know how to cast and reel them in on a lake.  Hell, I've caught my fair share of bass, so let me cut to the chase.

6.) Go out on a boating adventure for a week!

I mean charter a little boat with a bathroom, kitchenette, and toilet and go island-hopping.  Whether it be in the Florida Keys or those islands up by New England and Canada.  Let me feel like I'm free, not constrained to roads, like an explorer with the maps and such.  I'm excited already (so one of the things on my bucket list oughtta be to get a job that pays enough for these lucrative goals...)!

If you happen to have a boat that you could lend me, feel free to hit me up!  (Please!!!)



OK is OKAY

            I swear I’m leading some sort of double life.

            Like the second school ends, I’m immediately shipped to the United States.  Destination?  Broken Arrow, Oklahoma: a suburb outside of Tulsa.  It’s true-to-blue suburbia out there; we go to Wal-Mart to go grocery shopping, Sonic for lunch, and then we’ll grill burgers out by the pool in the backyard for dinner.  Sometime in the week we’ll be treated to Olive Garden, and then my brother would beg my aunt to go to Chuck E. Cheese’s.  But I digress...

me, my sister, and our OK peeps

Reality can suck it; I'm Religious

It's only been 11 days and it feels like a month has gone by.  So much stuff has happened, it's scary. What I have learned is get my rear end back into perspective.  I've been cocky, carefree, and careless for way too long.  I've been needed a slap like this.

Staring into the Sun; one-shot

It was 12 'o clock midnight when I stared into the sky and saw the sun gleaming down on me.

High School's a Lie

Based on all of the movies and TV shows I've been watching, high school is filled with drama, various pregnancies, alcohol, and sex.  So... how come I'm not living up that lie?

from the movie "Mean Girls"

I go to school at Saipan International School.  The entire Junior class is made up of 21 kids: 10 girls, 11 boys.  12 full-blooded Asians, a variety pack of random ethnicities, and a couple of white kids.  Half of us are on the honors list.  We suspect 2 out of 21 of our classmates aren't virgins.  Hey, we're different.

an Anime Affair

I'm in love with manga.

I'm aware, I'm a total nerdbomber.  But that's not that important.  What sets me apart from all of the glue-skinned, adolescent males out there that share the same passion is that:

30-minute sketch + color

1. I'm a girl.
2. I'm brown.
3. I can draw it.

I don't think I'm cocky about it.  I know who I'm better than and I know there are still tons of kids my age that just blow me out of the water.  Just take a quick look at DeviantArt's homepage and you'll see just how I get put back in my place.  

I believe it all started in the second grade.

Today I'm a Godmother!!

OH MY GOSH!

Much cuter in person.

My tita (aunt in Tagalog, but you know, you use it for close family friends too) gave birth to gorgeous baby girl!  Her name is Sophia Margaret Mengoy, and I am her Godmother!  I wouldn't have ever dreamed of being a Godmother (I'm not even Catholic), but now that I suddenly am, I dunno, I feel kind of proud.  I'm glowing and thinking of all the ways I could spoil this little darling. 

So while I was walking to the hospital...

College?

3. GET INTO COLLEGE!

Northeastern University campus

            All my life has been centered on one thing: college.  From my first day of school, my studying has been geared toward that ultimate goal.  I’ve been looking up colleges since middle school, and have long since decided I wanted to get a BA in Computer Graphics.  I’m a junior now, and my train to college has been put into high gear.  There’s a departure date stamped on Saipan, and that date is getting clearer and clearer.  I’m scared and excited to leave this little island for big city flair, and I already have a list of things I don’t want to part with.

1.)    SKI CLUB

a.       I’ve always wanted to go on ski trips with lots of people my age!  I love skiing, and I think college is my last shot to go on these trips.

b.      There’s no skiing on Saipan, and skiing anytime I want in the winter would be a dream come true.

2.)    IT HAS TO SNOW

a.       North, Northwest, New England, it doesn’t matter.  You might be hankering for fun in the sun, but I’m sick and tired of it.  I’m ready to trade my flip flops for boots!

Sugar-coated Shangri-La

What's that awesome smell...?

Sunflower Cupcakes from the book Hello, Cupcake!

I was young and amazed.  The little cakes were topped with plastic rings and tasted delicious.  I got frosting on my nose and all over my hands.  It was my first cupcake, and I can only assume the chaos it created after the second one.  It was the beginning of an obsession.

Journalism Log 1: Chicken Adobo

Our school's amazing lunches...  where do I even begin?  From the cheaps forks that break apart when used, to the milk poured outside in the Pala-Pala into little styrofoam cups, there's no question that our school lunch is the meal of champions.  Just kidding.  Blog, this is Saipan International School Lunch.

Sing a Song of Six Pence

A pocket full of rye...
That song is really freaking creepy after a while of listening to it and imagining dead little girls singing it...

Hello again, blog!

What do you usually listen to when your alone and depressed?  Crying and feeling hopeless and ugly?  Dancing and shaking your hips in all the wrong ways?  With friends jumping on your parent's bed because it's bigger?  As our lives move forward into the future, and we listen to sounds and songs with a new ear.  My own life has just slapped with a fresh fish and left in the sun to dry, and now all of a sudden I'm seeing life with new eyes and ears.

All of songs I used to listen to were for the sake of listening.  As my iTunes plays its beats over and over again, I feel a memory or feeling attached to each song.  I feel motivated, inspired, and upbeat.  My shoulders have been shed of the weight they've been carrying for so long, and suddenly I'm left open to new oppertunities that I had once didn't even noticed.  I'm going to live my life to the fullest.  Nothing is going to get into the way or cloud my judgement anymore.  It's all me.

To truly live a life, however, you need goals.  Floating from place to place will only leave you feeling dissatisfied, itching to do something.  Stay in one spot with a list of goals and suddenly the world is your oyster.  It's your own story to write.  You are not just a supporting character, no matter how quiet or useless you think your are.  Your life is your own; take hold of it by the horns and step into your own defintion of a spotlight!  You don't have to be loud or outgoing to be the main character.  It's your P.O.V., so just live!  Music inspired me to change and think like that.

At this time last year, I had little goals.  I have more than I can accomplish now, I'm sure, but it's the journey to completing them that's the greatest.  My goals aren't realistic or small feats at all.  They're hefty Disney goals.  One in particular isn't on my bucket list.  This one has a journey all on it's own.

Ultimate Goal: Travel the World with Someone I Love

• Childish
• Very Disney-esque
• Unrealistic
• Improbable
• Costs
• Chance of debt
• Impossible vacation expenses
• Potential heartbreak
• What if he dumps you?
• What if he never comes?

You know what?  SCREW IT ALL!  I know in my heart I'll find him one day.  Right now, I'm on this island dreaming, looking up at the stars in the sky and wondering if the guy who's destined to be with me is looking at the same sky.  He won't be perfect in any sense, but he'll be perfect for me.  Finding him is a quest on it's own, and one day, under that same sky, we'll be looking up at the moon together.  A year ago, it was just another whimsical dream.  Today, with a new attitude on life, it's a misson.

Can you believe turtles?  Walking around with a security blanket.  I used to want to be one of them.  But there's no such thing as love without risk, or life without gambling.  I still don't know what to think about everything.  I'm still dreaming afterall.

Kris Allen
Live Like We're Dying

"Our hearts are hungry for food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done?"

What time is it? What time is it?

AAAADVENTURE TIME!

Oh, wait.  It's actually bucket list time.  So, do me a favor and disregard that.

For our Journalism class, we were asked to blog.  Most of us just kinda stared blankly into space, so our teacher, the fabulous Mr. Lee, told us to write about our bucket list.  The goals we want to accomplish before we die.  I hadn't actually thought about a bucket list, but I definitely want to do a lot of stuff before I die.  In fact, I probably have way too many things I want to do.  Maybe I'm just a die-hard dreamer with her head in the clouds.  But hey, I'm a freaking teenager and I'm allowed to be totally stupid and confident.  So let's do it, starting from the beginning.  But not like that.


1.) Ski in Switzerland

Ever since I was a little toddler, my family would occasionally fly out to go skiing.  I love skiing.  It's the biggest adventure you could ever have.  Standing on top of the mountain looking down at the world, riding chairlifts through whiteouts, stopping only at a rest stop for hot chocolate.  It's amazing, and I encourage anyone who is bored of Facebook to get out there and feel the rush you get skiing down a mountain with your friends.

When I was a little girl, maybe around 7 or 8 (I'm not too sure), I went on my first adventure.  It was in Lake Tahoe, and all I remember was snow.  I grew up on an island, and the stuff was amazing.  It was just like in the movies, only more.  Snowflakes weren't just things you cut up out of paper anymore; they were on my hands and on my tongue. 

My parents had gone skiing with my other older relatives and had left me and my sister out in the hands of instructors.  I was very wary of these people.  As a little kid, I was pretty afraid of adults (in this world today, that kind of kid is rare and shocking), so I didn't trust these new ones one bit.  I don't remember much of the intruction at all.  They probably taught me to point my skis in a pizza shape (\/) to slow down, and french fries (| |) to speed up.  What I really remember was that suddenly we were in a white out.  There was so much snow we couldn't see what was five feet in front of us.  We skiied through it all and ended up at a little secret house and drank the most delicious hot chocolate I had ever tasted.  My cheeks were read and my fingers were numb.  I was hooked.

But why Switzerland?  It's not really that big of a reason, actually.  I've always wanted to go to Europe and I've always heard that the Swiss Alps were beautiful and a great place to ski.  It'd be awesome if I told all my friends I skiied there. 

_ ____________ _

That's the first thing on my list, and I'm sure there will be more posts about it to come.  In the mean time, I'm going to go get some hot chocolate.  Ciao!